Extremely random notes from the Heartland

1. I'm marooned inside, somewhat like an unwitting Ted Kaczinsky, due to a blizzard, and because the blizzard is enraging me, I'm wondering if I would be calm and happy if I had underground parking instead of facing the fact of digging my car out of 900 feet of snow and then having nowhere to park it. I don't have "chilblains," but in some ways, it was easier for the Ingalls family in "The Long Winter," and I don't even have Pa here to play his fiddle.
2. I recently went to the Tornado Room and enjoyed the crudites displayed in a 1950s-era water glass, but found the food overrated .. but, I really like saying "crudites,"..
3. At the handbag department in Macy's, observing a sales clerk named "Heather," I realized life would be much easier for the transgendered if one didn't start out 6 foot 3 inches tall with a deep baritone voice. It was way easier for Felicity Huffman.

Bananarama

At a stoplight I often frequent in my car, the curb is littered with banana peels. Before it snowed, there were probably 30 to 40 peels randomly covering the concrete. Yesterday I saw that on top of the new snow, about four new peels had arrived.

There are a few possible explanations:
a. Someone with either impeccable timing or OCD, or both, eats a banana every morning on the way to work, finishes the banana right before that intersection and makes their deposit,
b. Teenage hoodlums,
c. Disgruntled Chiquita employee making a statement,
d. Oscar Mayer workers (the plant is right next to the intersection) making a plea to the public to eat fresh foods instead of nitrate-filled processed meats.

Anyone who transports bananas frequently knows what a delicate fruit it is. It's not like an orange or an apple ... its shelf-life is oh so short. We've all had the sad experience of pulling a banana from a bag or backpack and finding it brown and gushy. However, here's help. This product will keep it safe .... as well as entertaining your co-workers with its attractive coloring and interesting shape.

I am going to hold a press conference this afternoon

WTF?? Now Don King is going to hold a press conference on Anna Nicole and Zsa Zsa's hubby is throwing his hat in the ring as baby daddy ... Next, OJ will do one or the other ....

Dreams of the Huggable

Last night I dreamed of a former coworker who was commonly known as the "Huggable Scot" (the photo is NOT him). I was riding my bike, and Huggable, who once claimed that he "never spills on himself," came up behind me at a stop sign and tapped me on the shoulder. Oddly, he was wearing some sort of black cape-like garment, and I then realized that I was wearing my pajamas, and I was really embarrassed to be riding my bike in my plaid flannel pajamas. I realized that was why I was getting so many odd looks. Then, because of my pajamas, I tried to ride home as fast as I could but kept getting lost. That was my Huggable Scot dream. What does it mean?
The Scot did not ever wear a kilt to work and his comment one day while going to lunch with Harry (who often claimed that he once "passed a grilled-cheese sandwich through his nose") ... "I'm glad Justin Timberlake is finally getting some street cred" ... will always be hilarious to me.

Brandon Walsh made me pick up the place

I was watching a rerun of "Without a Trace" (I have a crush on all the male leads), the one where Brandon Walsh, sans sideburns, plays a gun-wielding badass. I looked about me and realized that were I to go missing, the team of sexy FBI agents would come to my apartment, take a look around and conclude immediately that I'd been abducted by sinister parties seeking a certain secret document who had ripped the place apart from top to bottom.

I picked up some of the thousands of wildly strewn papers and random items. Still haven't managed to do a full-scale cleaning operation.